23 years of research
January, 2022
My first thought as an eighteen year old was finally! and the second was I lost my chance at being a child phenomenon. The complete lack of training to be an under age sensation should've been enough to classify the latter reflection as incoherent, but it wasn't. This remorseful-based idea crossed my mind because I deeply believed that having big accomplishments early in life was absolutely spectacular. My astrological Sun sign in Aquarius and rising in Leo makes me feel like a very special individual. I'm naturally thirsty for attention. For that reason, I romanticized the amount of praise the fresh superstars were receiving. I believed that their advanced success created an unbreakable safety net, enabling them to sit back, gaze at the view and enjoy the victory for the rest of their lives. Before even beginning to sorrow about the absence of honorable awards, televised interviews or magazine covers in my curriculum, I mentally made a list of every rough aspect in relation to having your career severely invested from a very young age. Once that was done, I stopped unconsciously spitting on my reality. Gratefulness towards my present state took up my emotions.
The first paragraph tells the story of when I understood the power of seeing the bigger picture. Taking more factors under consideration (Zooming out) is the practice that takes me by the hand and escorts my mind away from the line of entry to the Comparison Haunted House at the Insecurity Theme Park. Contrasting people's lives is a suitable methodology to reach social discoveries. The problem is that we have installed the correlation practice as a daily habit. Most of the time I compare my reality to someone else's, it doesn't add any substantial benefit for me or for the population. I couldn't possibly tell you how many times I have nurtured the pressure of doing something already because other people were acting on it. I continually told myself I should do this or I should do that as if there was a rulebook to triumph.
A couple years into adulthood, I comprehended that the desire to speed the fuck up and get to my most happy, intelligent, succesfull, beautiful, stylish, productive and contributive version as soon as possible is the source of my anxiety. I won't keep sabotaging myself into thinking I must be an outstanding performer at a speed that doesn't match my rhythm. I don't have to follow anyone's pace to achieve my goals. In addition, I'll never have it all figured out because there isn't anything you or I can do to guarantee an ideal future. I don't wish there was. It would take uncertainty out of life. Existence would be a really long scripted movie.
In conclusion, other people's lives can only seem so stunning because there's always a sizable lack of information about them. The only reality I'll ever fully fully (fully) know is my own. That's why it's easy to be judgmental about it. The downer sides of my story are as clear as the great ones. It's impossible to isolate a really specific desired aspect of a different life and just apply it to mine. Copy and paste doesn't exist in the tangible world. As soon as the person changes, the element also does. If I wanted to attain exactly what another individual has, then I would have to literally be that person. I imagine suddenly finding myself in a whole new life, with that precise wish of mine plus an unknown personality, childhood, family, friends, difficulties, worries, habits and so on. That's the most uninviting thing ever. I have spent the past twenty three years researching about myself. It has been the best possible exploration. I wouldn't trade being me for anything in the world.
